This is a non-fiction book that is sure to aid all in parenting skills!
Be sure to enter the Giveaway at the end of this posting. (U.S./Can. Only)
LESSONS FROM A DIFFICULT PERSON by Sarah H. Elliston
Elliston is a highly successful workshop leader and trainer, who offers wisdom learned the hard way—by experience – as well as through rigorous study and certification in many areas of professional training that aid her in her work — Values Realization, Parent Effectiveness Training and Reality Therapy. She is a faculty member of the William Glasser Institute. Glasser is an internationally recognized psychiatrist and developer of Reality Therapy, a method of psychotherapy that teaches people they have a choice in how they choose to behave.
The methods Elliston offers in her book end the trauma and the drama, and minimize the possibility of confrontation. She gives YOU, the reader, the ability to take a strong, positive, confident—yet compassionate–stance with the “difficult person”—whether that is a relative, coworker, friend, one of your children or anyone else for that matter.
Elliston demonstrates how to:
• Identify the ways to talk to a “difficult” person
• Incorporate true incentives to help people change
• Make real the consequences of the “difficult” person’s action
• Increase success through acceptance and belonging
• Avoid being triggered by the “difficult” person allowing you to neutralize those hot buttons and communicate without judgment
Elliston lays out a proven script for peacefully transforming the difficult person’s behavior and the environment. She gives you the tools for successfully initiating and engaging in a conversation with a difficult person that would lead to change.
“What’s the Most Important Thing I Can Do With a Difficult Person?”
In discussions of my book, Lessons from a Difficult Person: How to Deal with People Like Us, readers often ask this question. My first thought is, “Wouldn’t it be nice if relationships could be resolved and made whole with one action? Wouldn’t it be nice if life was that simple?”
Actually, it is. All the great teachers in all the religions and philosophies in our world have at their core: “Love one another.” Yet we still find it hard to translate that into actions when the other is driving us to distraction with annoying habits, negativity, arguments, and criticism.
We witness our leaders attributing negative motivations to somebody else’s behavior, calling them names. We see it in our schools, neighborhoods, families, movies, and TV shows. It is what creates drama, and drama gets people’s attention, and attention gets ratings. It is a defensive action, one that we turn to when we are frustrated by someone doing something we don’t want them to do, even after we’ve asked them to stop.
Name calling, negativity, arguing…notice how often that comes across the screen, the air waves, or the dining room table. It starts with the assumption that the behavior is deliberate.
Most difficult people are not intentionally difficult. They aren’t aware of how others perceive them and how their behavior impacts others—they are just living their lives. Maybe nobody said, “Wow, are you always angry? Tell me something positive about today.” That would be setting a boundary, describing their behavior, and inviting them to do something different. My experience is that our culture doesn’t encourage this. We believe that the other is doing things on purpose to make our lives miserable. Additionally, even when someone is doing something deliberately, treating them as though they are not while setting our boundaries invites the difficult person to step in to that “undeliberate” role. When we assume they want to be kind to us and treat them as such, they may start actually doing it.
Brené Brown, research professor of sociology and author of three #1 New York Times bestsellers: The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, and Rising Strong, has spent the last fourteen years studying vulnerability, shame, and empathy. She states that we have to be “generous.” I call it “not assuming we know somebody’s motivation and not taking the behavior personally.”
If we can look at the difficult person and know that they are doing the very best they can, that’s love. “To assume the best about people is an inherently selfish act,” says Dr. Brown. In essence, it takes the personal out of it and we can look at the other from a place of generosity and kindness.
Isn’t love the most important thing we can do for anyone?
Sarah (Sam) Elliston is an expert in the art of Dealing with Difficult People. She is a top workshop leader and a member of the faculty of the William Glasser Institute, which espouses “Reality Therapy” to foster behavioral change.
But her instructional career began long before she even became aware that she was herself a “difficult person,” traits that began in Lincoln MA, where she grew up. For more than 30 years she has been teaching and training, first as a high school teacher in Ohio and Cincinnati—and then as an administrator in the not-for-profit sector.
Prize: One winner will receive a copy of Lessons from a Difficult Person and a $10 Amazon gift card (open to USA & Canada)
Ends Feb 25
The tour schedule can be found at the author’s iRead home page.