Book Title: Golden Gremlin: A Vigorous Push from Misanthropes and Geezers | Author: Rod A. Walters
Category: Adult Non-Fiction, 228 pages | Genre: Humor
Publisher: Omega Man Press | Release date: November 2016
Tour dates: Feb 12 to 23, 2018
Content Rating: PG-13 + M (Mild and indirect innuendo to both sex genitalia, a short essay about the fictional "AssBook," an essay on current health-care talk, a teaser "is his cord long enough?" to get readers to choose a short piece on electric cars next, etc.)
Written to make Dave Barry, Lily Tomlin, and Ben Stein laugh, Golden Gremlin: A Vigorous Push from Misanthropes and Geezers delivers the experience of a balanced life, and the wisdom to like most of it, and then laugh at the rest of it. What the heck, Barry lives in Miami, habitat of geezers, and Ben Stein is one. The world really needs that push, vigorous or gentle, from misanthropes & geezers, the world’s most valuable golden gremlins. Misanthropes pretend to not like or need other people, but in reality, they merely prefer their own company much of the time. Geezers, aside from that silly name, also like their own company quite well. Both share the virtue of seeing the world calmly. You get pointy bite-sized life pointers from these experienced gremlins, told in easy bite-size chunks. Laughter included in the price! Two out of three wouldn’t be bad either.
Life is good! So laugh a little at yourself on the way through these pointy essays, and that will buy your laughing at the world’s simpler parts, guilt-free.
Golden Gremlin comprises about 70 short essays bundled into six topic areas:
NATURE: boys, ugly drivers, and coffee cups in the ‘fridge.
WORDS: the real meaning of Caucasian and Genre.
BUSINESS: deafness at the economics conference, and getting on AssBook.
KITCHENS: sushi chefs, and truth about manna.
HISTORY: when Hell froze, and Attila the Honey.
Golden boy gets to be GOLDEN GREMLIN: experience overcomes certainty.
What things could possibly be more important!
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GUEST POST:Bible Verses for Bad Weather [from “Captain [OF] America,” t.b. published August, 2018]
Here we stood, in another one of those gray, sloppy, half-rainy, half-chilled Thursdays trudging into the second grade classroom. Bill Stang was struggling with his boots at the back of the room, ooffing and grumbling near his desk and trying to pull them off. The teacher barked at him to take off his galoshes in the cloak room.
“Galoshes,” huh? The day is ugly enough already without hearing a dumpy word like that. Galoshes. Splashes. Slop. I knew that she meant “boots,” but I heard myself repeating “galoshes” to myself just to hear its ugliness from my lips. Having heard me mumble, the teacher told us that “overshoes” was what some people called them. That sounded better, and these ugly boot-overs really did go over the shoes. Back in those days half the boots—galoshes—came as pairs of thick, black unchewable rubber things with four buckles that could pinch your finger if you weren’t quick. Never try these buckles without socks, either.
Okay, galoshes. I’ll remember that, but not for boots. I’ll say “overshoes” first. I hope.
By Sunday school the rain and slop still hung around, just as gloomy as Thursday past. Sunday school got invented to keep us kids herded in a loose corral until the 11:00AM major church service. Here in Sunday school our junior herd got more or less entertained and educated in Sunday school things by the ample supply of Sunday School Mothers. Nice ladies with a tough job, who organized us after we removed our galoshes. Then one read the first bible verse from Colossians.
Now, I wasn’t born yesterday. I knew very well that the Colossians guys didn’t wear galoshes. The two words did sound pretty close. Besides, the Colossians had to be people like those pictures at the back of the Bible, all those well-coiffed, blondish Fertile Crescent people who wore those really white bathrobes. Clearly, Colossians lived in sandy and desert looking places, and they wore some kind of sandals on their feet. No galoshes anywhere.
Wouldn’t you know it, the next Bible verse came from Galatians.
Where are the Galatians from?
Oh. That clears it up.
“Farther away, up in the mountains,” one of the adults added helpfully.
I get it. Like, Vermont. It gets cold and rainy in Vermont, so maybe these Galatians guys did wear galoshes on their feet. Probably not, but thinking about all those Galatians oofing and struggling with thick, black unchewable rubber galoshes with four buckles took up my thinking muscles for the rest of Sunday school. Galatians may have called their boots “galatias.” Probably not.
The 11:00AM major church service felt shorter that day. I spent the whole hour thinking about galoshes, Galatians, and Colossians. I wondered if the second graders in Colossians and Galatians wore galoshes to Sunday school. I wonder if they pinched their fingers in one of the galoshes buckles. Maybe they said bad words when that happened. I hope they wondered about me worrying about them.
ABOUT the AUTHOR:
Rod Walters lives and writes in upstate New York to prove he can be an all-season writer. Since he wants everybody to be all-season persons no matter her or his circumstance, his writing aims sharply toward the practical—without turning into one of those godawful do it ma’ way authors. Life, after all, is practical hour by hour. Self-described as “old enough to know better, and he probably is,” his former life as Army officer, engineer, and administrative assistant could not have better prepared him to write both light and more serious short pieces pointing to creating a balanced life. Chuckling at yourself usually makes a good takeoff, he says. Giving up having to be certain makes for a good landing, especially for one’s friends! Then again, who the heck wants to live a balanced life? Mostly everybody does. That’s why he now writes. Although many friends nudge and badger him to be a Facebook and Twitter butterfly, he tries not to spend many numbing hours a day with circular keyboard tapping. Writing works better.
Connect with the Author: Website
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